Dear Lizzie,
My brother and his wife, who live in New York, just gave birth to their first child earlier this year. In March, just as the baby was about to turn three months old, his father and mother flew out to see him.
Once they got there, my brother met them for dinner – alone. It took another day before his wife told him that she had decided that he needed to quarantine for five days before he could see the baby (despite the frigid weather, he was unable to participate in an outing to the local park). was allowed, but not allowed to give birth). baby, or go indoors).
Needless to say, they were not happy with this turn of events and were understandably upset that they had not been informed of these prerequisites before boarding the plane.
My brother's wife has had significant social anxiety since before COVID-19, probably severe enough to be considered a mental illness and likely to be diagnosed, but that hasn't been communicated to us. I agree with that, but there are bigger issues at stake regarding boundaries and communication.
But right now I'm more worried about our own visit scheduled for July. We're only traveling for 5 days and the weather looks like it's going to be nice while we're there, but I'd be furious if we went that far and were told we couldn't see my brother and his baby at all.
Our current plan is to come up with fun things to do with our own kids during our stay, in case an unexpected quarantine occurs. But the bottom line is that neither my wife nor I have much interest in visiting New York, and considering the money we're spending on flights and hotels, we think it would be much more fun to take the kids to Hawaii or Hawaii. about it. Mexico, or anywhere there's a pool.
My mother asked me not to tell my brother what she had told me about the harrowing trip. That being said, I would probably contact him to find out what restrictions his wife is going to place on us when we arrive, regarding interacting with him and his family. You could ask in general. Then again, given his previous experience with his wife's behavior, he may not know that yet.
How should we deal with this difficult situation?
traveling brothers
To my traveling brothers
This is difficult and frustrating, but I think you are on the right path.
You can approach the topic of quarantine from the sidelines as if you were actually planning a trip. What activities does your brother and his family like to do? For a small baby, there may be limitations, but in reality, your child is getting older and needs more entertainment, so in some ways they are actually not as limited as you are. In fact, you need a plan!
Write some specific items on your travel calendar. Dinner at this restaurant. In the afternoon at this park. And if he doesn't bring it up or is adamant about it, assume there will be a quarantine and you may not be able to hold that baby, at least not indoors. With that in mind, decide whether you really want to go to New York. It would be expensive and probably difficult – too bad there’s no pool.
But it's also New York! What a dream! Central Park and all the museums! You can walk all day and see 100 things you've never seen before.
And honestly, you can even find a pool.
I think if you approach the trip with realistic expectations of what will happen to your brother's family, you'll actually have a good time. Maybe you'll never see it either! You can still have fun!
But it requires accepting your brother and sister-in-law for who they are, social anxiety and all, and that's always going to be the hardest part.
Another option, which is within your rights and perfectly reasonable, is to make an excuse and not go at all. Let's go to Hawaii or Mexico. But do it on a different week from when you plan to visit your sibling.
Good luck!
lizzie
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