Dear Amy: I am a 45 year old woman and have been married to my wife for 5 years. My problem is my 21 year old son who lives with me. He's a good kid, but currently unemployed (for 4 months) he spends his days playing video games.
My son was very interested in books, and although he drove to a prestigious university, he only stayed for a year and a half.
He recently applied to the police academy but hasn't made any progress. He also dropped out of firefighting school because he was bored.
He worked as a forklift operator during his student days. He always does very well in school, but he is lazy.
I'm a nurse, his father is a long-haul truck driver, and he and his young wife just had another son. I always try to motivate my ex-husband.
My wife and I have never lived alone throughout our marriage, and she is frustrated. My wife doesn't have any children so she feels it's time to kick my children out of the house. I feel like I have to choose between my wife and my son, which is a huge burden. Honestly, I'm torn and now they're starting to argue with each other even more. I feel completely torn apart.
Help me.
– Torn in Wisconsin
Dear Tone: Your adult, unemployed son living at home is not “your” problem. All in all, this is everyone's problem, but primarily his own, and his main task now should be to solve his own problems.
Don't expect the father to motivate him. He does not live in his father's house.
You and your wife should approach this issue as equal partners in the household and offer a unified strategy on how to raise him into adulthood.
Currently, the unemployment rate in Wisconsin is very low at 3%. Your son is very smart, so there is no need to put special occasions on his lap. He wastes the opportunity because he knows he can.
he needs to get a job. Fast food drive-thrus, landscaping staff, Walmart warehouses, anywhere you might get hired.
Working all day gives you a skill set, money in your pocket, and self-esteem.
I will shut off the wireless in your house during the day, stop paying for his cell phone, and only provide a roof over his head and sustenance until he can afford other housing. I know it's tough, but your marriage and his future are at stake.
Many parents deal with this issue by giving their adult children the option of working full time or joining a branch of the military, but given your son's interests, it's actually may be very suitable for my son.
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