BALTIMORE – Greg Olsen was Them Coaches.
you know them. Whether it's travel baseball or church league basketball, these guys do everything they can to win.
“It was all about controlling the game,” said the two-time All-Pro tight end, turned broadcaster and father of three. “Every time I go to a youth baseball game, I feel like I have to find a way to win.”
Now imagine Olsen in the other dugout. He's 6-5 and has played in the NFL for nearly a decade and a half. He has lived and breathed sports for most of his life. He thought that if there was anyone who could really understand the players, it was him. When he started coaching his sons, he was still throwing down tacklers for the Carolina Panthers and was ready to run through the wall for players on his team.
They were 7 people.
“I learned a lot about how the way I thought youth sports should be approached may not have actually been positive for other people,” Olsen said last week. He spoke to a crowd at Johns Hopkins University as host of the Project Play Summit. “I guess that's a story for another day about couches and psychologists.”
Olsen and his wife, Carla, would always go to dinner with friends and “pretend to care about what's going on in their lives,” and five minutes later they'd find themselves digging deep into their kids' sports. .
What team are they on?
How many days a week do you practice?
What kind of tournaments do you participate in?
Sound familiar? Olsen realized that no one fully understands how to manage youth sports. It's a process in which we continue to learn from each other.
To that end, Olsen has spent the past two years on an informed journey bringing together parents, coaches, professional athletes, Olympians, and medical and health experts through the Youth Inc. podcast. What he calls an “all-encompassing” adventure is just beginning.
Even with Tom Brady in the Fox TV booth, Olsen plans to continue in his role as an NFL broadcaster this fall. (“At this point,” Olsen said of his partnership with Fox.) But he's also fully committed as “a father and coach in professional youth sports,” he says.
At last week's summit, Olsen shared five lessons you can use to navigate the murky waters of youth sports.
(Questions and answers have been edited for length and clarity.)
1. The value of youth sports has “nothing to do” with the actual sport.
Olsen grew up in suburban Jersey, New York, the son of a high school football coach and physical education teacher. Like all of our upbringings, it shaped his approach to parenting his son Tate (12), his TJ (11), and his daughter Talbot (11).
His father, Chris, regularly led Wayne Hills High School to the state championship game. Olsen and his brothers, Christian and Kevin, were water boys and ball boys and admired the players his father coached.
“That's not luck,” Chris might tell them. “It's a lot of hard work.” The Olsen brothers, who all went on to become major college football players, learned about dedicating themselves to something greater, a core value that is deeply ingrained in today's sports world. .
USA TODAY: How would you describe yourself as a sports parent?
Greg Olsen: Everything we preach at home is that you're fully committed to that team, whether it's a team that I coach or a team that someone else coaches. If there is an optional practice, participate. It doesn't mean you won't be absent. We don't choose when we go.
I strongly believe that the majority of what kids get out of youth sports has nothing to do with the actual sport.
I want my children to learn responsibility. I want my children to learn how to have authority figures say things they don't want to hear, whether they like it or not. It's no different than having a teacher at school who doesn't suit you. I think that's life. That's it. So we teach and actually work on the process. Did you give it your all this week? And if the weekend tournament goes well, that effort will pay off. How do you think you can succeed if you skip training?
We don't preach, “You have to win every game.'' We never preach that you have to be a star player. But you have to play to your standards. You have to give your best effort to the team. Must be able to coach. You have to have a good attitude after you strike out. If you hit him with a bat…it won't be a fun conversation to have while driving home. We place importance on such things. And in our house, those things are non-negotiable. Winning or losing the game is completely secondary.
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2. Youth sports are not about winning games.
What makes us winners? It's not just about winning all the time.
“I worked for Nick Saban for four years and he never talked about it. victory” Maryland football coach Mike Locksley, who also attended the Project Play Summit, told USA TODAY Sports. “He always talks about the process of winning.
“Instead of focusing on winning, focus on personal growth.”
Olsen agrees.
USA TODAY: What is your biggest piece of advice for beginners looking to get into youth sports?
go: I think the longer I've been doing it, the clearer it has become that as long as development leads to victory, it's okay. The idea should be winning as a byproduct of improvement, investing in kids and teaching them how to do sports skills, how to compete, how to be competitive. We believe that if we continue to do all these things over a long period of time, we will continue to get better and win as a result. If you're going to beat us, you have to be completely better than us. And as the kids have grown up, and the longer we've been at it, we've seen super teams and guests playing and chasing different teams in different weekend tournaments. I stop and say, “What's the goal?'' Is the goal of entering the race to be “Who's the best 12-year-old?'' Or is your goal “Who is the greatest at 18 or 20 years old?”
No one looks back on their high school days and says, “Hey, but remember when I was 11 years old, we lost in the girls basketball tournament in Myrtle Beach.”
Coach Steve: When should your child start specializing in sports?
3. Success is defined not by where you end up, but by how you rise from the experience. There is a difference.
Olsen and his brothers didn't grow up thinking they would become college or professional football players. Their biggest goal, like all the players before them, was to get out on the field on Friday night and play for their dad.
Today, the future of children's sports always seems to be in the back of our minds. We are prepared to be disappointed at the end of our children's sports journeys, but it is also something we celebrate.
USA TODAY: You said on stage that you didn't really think about the next level until high school. Could that even happen in today's world?
go: I think we have to do that. We never talked about college. We never talked about playing professionally. If you are doing this work for your son or daughter with the belief that you are only doing it to get a return on your investment, then you should stop. Because the chances of it paying off are never in your favor. We do this because we want our kids to play middle school baseball, soccer, girls basketball, and more. And one day I'll be in a position to play on my high school varsity team. And get all these experiences, play with your friends, play with the community, learn what it's all about.
If they can play beyond that, that's great. I'm not saying that's not a good long-term goal. I think there are too many parents these days. The rationale for money, training, travel, expenses, jump teams, and moving high schools is because the sole purpose is “I have to make a college.” I always say to my kids, “If I don't achieve that goal, is that a failure?” If you don't try your best to succeed, you will only fail. If you do that, if you work hard through high school, have a great career in high school, and that's where your sport ends, that's success. And I think sometimes we make the destination the goal rather than the journey.
4. Don't spoil your child. Let them compete and struggle to learn life lessons.
Designed by the Aspen Institute, Project Play aims to build healthy communities through sports. This is an especially important tool for children whose families cannot afford travel sports.
At the Project Play Summit, I learned about organizations like Every Kid Sports and Leveling the Playing Field, which cover youth sports registration fees and provide equipment to families with income constraints.
As a City Council member in 2015, Baltimore Mayor Brandon Scott helped launch the free access program, now known as the Volo Kids Foundation, and expanded it to eight U.S. cities.
Scott grew up on a running track in Baltimore and played baseball, basketball, and football at a local rec center. He was a great runner and his lessons still apply today.
“We really took that into our lives and thought about how we challenge each other and push each other,” he told USA TODAY Sports. “We're always trying to figure out how we can be the best versions of ourselves. And that's exactly what we learn from sports: how to deal with adversity, how to deal with high-pressure situations. …How to become a leader.
These are similar skills that Olsen learned from his father, and are skills that we can pass on to our children through our team.
USA TODAY: What advice would you give to parents of kids who are just getting interested in youth sports or want to keep them involved?
go: Put them in an environment where they can grow and don't be afraid to fail sometimes. It's okay if the team continues to grow and maybe other girls and boys are further ahead at this point, other teams are further ahead. Find a good coach and find someone who is willing to invest in your kids.
I'm very particular about developing sports skills, but more importantly, life skills: telling the truth. Be honest with yourself, even if you don't like it. This is a difficult lesson for many children, especially these days because people don't like to tell children the truth. People want to make life easier for their children. I would rather my children struggle now and learn how to cope with life when they are older.
Steve Borelli, aka Coach Steve, has been an editor and writer for USA TODAY since 1999. He coached his two sons' baseball and basketball teams for 10 years. He and his wife Colleen are now high school and middle school sports parents. His column appears weekly. Click here for past columns.
