Note to readers: We welcome your feedback by posting your questions in this space. Like you, I'm interested in how people dealt with their dilemmas, and wondering if my advice was helpful.
We are pleased to publish this “update” from a reader whose original question was published in June 2012.
The original Q&A is below, and updates will follow.
Dear Amy: Both my husband and father are video gamers.
A new version of their favorite game was just released, and they noticed it was rated M-Mature by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.
The two men think it's perfectly fine for their 4- and 6-year-old sons to watch and play in the game.
I believe that an M rating is the equivalent of watching an R rated movie, and I would argue that boys should not be allowed to watch or play this game.
They claim that the kids have played the previous version that was rated M (unbeknownst to me) and therefore no harm has been done.
I am accused of overreacting and being controlling.
My kids are also mad now that I pulled the plug.
Am I overreacting? Should I allow “restricted” play?
– Unplugged Mama
Dear Unplugged: Did your husband and your father begin their recreational lives as young children playing violent adult video games?
I'm guessing not. As children, these older men probably exercised their imaginations and bodies in old-fashioned ways in their backyards, baseball fields, and neighborhood blocks.
Don't they want the same for these kids?
I completely agree. Your child is too young to play (or watch others play) these games.
It would be great if your kids had a dad or grandfather who cared enough to get them off the couch, take them outside, and let them have some truly interactive play. Given the number of letters I receive from parents of teenagers and young adults (who, frankly, are mostly male), parents who are distressed by the amount of time, money, and effort they spend playing video games are wondering if they should delay this activity. , would at least convince younger children to offer something. Age-appropriate areas.
These adults basically co-opting kids to fight you provide an example of youth gamesmanship.
Children should be left completely alone from this issue while adults discuss things.
To learn more about the Entertainment Software Rating Board's rating system, including some super helpful tips on how to discuss this important issue with your family, check out ESRB.org. This site contains information on how to install parental controls on various brands of gaming systems.
It appears that “grandparent” controls are also available.
Dear Amy: Here is my update. Twelve years later, she reports that by reducing her sons' exposure to video games and eliminating adult content, both of them have grown into well-rounded, well-adjusted young men. I'm happy to be able to do this.
They both still enjoy playing games with their fathers and grandfathers, but have many friends, hobbies, and sporting activities.
I was worried that the game would increase the number of social deviants, but I realized that it was a matter of balance.
Our oldest son will soon be heading off to college on a full-ride merit scholarship with a gaming computer in tow.
– Mom unplugs less
Dear Less Unplugged: Time has proven that true social deviance continues to be extremely rare, regardless of the existence of video games or concerned parents. well done!
Dear Amy: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your simple, thoughtful, caring, and direct response to a “sad mother and grandmother” whose daughter did not want her trans brother to attend family events. I would like to express my simple gratitude.
This is a difficult time for many of us as trans people, but the compassion from our families and communities means so much.
Last year, my sister chose not to invite me to her niece's 1st birthday party. She was worried that I would be very uncomfortable with her conservative friends, who are liberals who make up the majority of her social circle.
I heard my mother make a very heartfelt comment to my sister, telling her that maybe it was okay to let me make that choice, and I think that helped my sister.
She now has a more subtle approach to how she controls her protective feelings towards me.
Last weekend I received an invitation to my niece's 2nd birthday party. I can't wait!
– Ada
Dear Ada: Congratulations to you and your family. You have created many reasons to celebrate.
You can email Amy Dickinson. askamy@amydickinson.com Or write to Ask Amy, PO Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.
